


A Book of Drunk Eren (ft. Sober Levi)

by TheSilverField



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drunk Eren is the Best Eren, Eren Is a Little Shit, Levi Just Wants Eren To Stay Hydrated, M/M, Modern AU, Salt Puns, because of course, is that too much to ask?, sober levi, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 22:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15277506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilverField/pseuds/TheSilverField
Summary: Drunk Eren. Sober Levi. What could possibly go wrong?





	1. Drunk Eren is a Brick Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Eren is not a nooby-booby and Sober Levi is a class-A bargainer.

Eren was curled tightly against Levi’s side, mind foggy and clouded with the effects of his heavy drinking. Though both Eren and Levi had a strong tolerance for alcohol, Eren had drank too much too fast, more than he usually did. It left him feeling clingy and cuddly for his Levi, feeling needy for his attention and affection as he attached himself to his sober boyfriend.

“ _You’re so clingy, I love it_ .” Levi chuckled, keeping his arms wrapped around the young man’s waist with his chin resting atop his head. Levi would never admit that he _squeaked_ when he felt Eren’s hands drift down his body to squeeze at his ass, but he totally did. “Watch the hands, brat. You might just lose them.”

Eren was humming some mindless tune, giggling at the older man’s empty threat. “But, baby…” he hiccuped, head lulling and nuzzling against Levi’s chest. “ _You got a cute butt_. Please don’t hide my hands.”

Levi rolled his eyes at the way Eren’s words slurred almost unintelligibly, but found his childish plea adorable. “Maybe I don’t want you to touch my butt. Ever think of that? Maybe you’re _assaulting_ me.” But that could never be true. Unless they were in front of friends or family, there was never a time where Levi minded him doing _this_.

Eren continued to squeeze and caress Levi’s ass, completely unfazed by what the other man was saying, meeting his eyes for the first time since he had gotten so utterly smashed. “I don’t have any salt, baby. And it wouldn’t matter anyway because you’re _always_ salty.”

Levi’s face fell into a frown, once again rolling his glinting silver eyes to hide the amusement buried there. “You’re something else, brat. I’m so done with you.”

“Nooooo,” Eren pouted, practically launching himself in his boyfriends lap, lanky limbs flailing as he wrapped himself around Levi like a baby koala clinging to its mother. “I need you to be the opposite of done with me. Not done. Never done!”

“Beg for forgiveness and maybe I’ll reconsider.”

“How about I suck your dick instead?”

Levi paused and looked down at Eren with a look of bewilderment, but all Eren did was click his tongue and wink suggestively. “You have no idea what you’re saying right now, do you?”

Eren looked perplexed at the sudden questioning of his integrity, thinking it over long and hard. “Nope!” he finally giggled, popping the ‘p’ sound on the end. Levi couldn’t contain a breathless laugh at that, and leaned forward to press his lips softly against Eren’s.

When Levi pulled away, ignoring Eren’s pout and groans of disapproval, he reached over to grab a glass of water from the coffee table. “Drink it. You need to stay hydrated or it’s going to be hell when you wake up in the morning.”

“I’m not going to wake up, baby.” Eren giggled, booping Levi’s nose with a dopey grin.

Raising his eyebrows in question, Levi continued to hold the water out to his languid love. “Oh? And why the fuck not?”

“Because I’m not going to sleep!” Eren cheered, his glazed and bloodshot eyes bright with mischief and determination. “Sleep is for nooby-boobies. I’m not a nooby-booby.”

Levi bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, taking a deep breath before shaking his head. “Eren, you’re going to sleep if I have to drag you to bed and knock you out with a frying pan.”

But Levi knew talking to a drunk Eren was like talking to a brick wall.

Hell, talking to a completely sober Eren was like talking to a brick wall sometimes.

Eren’s face fell flat as he released his grip from around Levi, (Levi would never admit that he missed Eren’s hands on his ass. _Never._ ), and crossed his arms over his chest. “No,” he said definitively, his teal eyes challenging Levi to argue. “I refuse.”

Levi sighed in defeat, but knew exactly what he had to do now.

“I’ll let you suck my dick.”

Eren took the water and chugged it down in a few gulps.

“Deal.”


	2. Drunk Eren is Rude to Old People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Eren is really just a child and Sober Levi can't resist the ellies.

“Eren, please. You’re being ridiculous.”

But Levi might as well have been speaking into the void. Here they were inside Walmart, staring at the racks of pajamas. Well, Levi was staring, eyes as steely and stoic as ever, while Eren had taken it upon himself to begin dressing in one of the animal onesies on display. A fuzzy brown bear onesie with a teal fish attached to the left hip.

“No, _you’re_ being _ridicalous_.” Eren slurred in protest, and Levi rolled his eyes at the mispronunciation of such a simple word. He had finally zipped himself in the animal suit, tags hanging beneath one of the arms and the hanger still sticking out the back. His cheeks were flushed pink due to his over-consumption of rum and Dr. Pepper, but Eren had practically thrown a tantrum to come to this cesspool of a store before they went home for the night.

Levi hated it. He hated Walmart and all of its filth. He hated that he was so smitten with Eren that he would castaway his morals to venture into the wild of said store. He _hated_ that this was happening right now.

But he fucking _loved_ Eren.

“Ah! Babe, look!” Eren suddenly cried out in delight, fumbling through the rack until he pulled out a grey onesie that had a long trunk and huge floppy ears attached to its hood. “It’s perfect! Put it on!”

“Oh my fuck, Eren. _I’m_ **_not_ ** _wearing that._ ” Levi grumbled, slowly losing his patience with his drunk boyfriend. But Levi couldn’t help himself from being a _little_ tempted.

 _Fuck, why did it have to be an elephant?_ he asked himself. _That’s my fucking favorite and he knows it._

“But _Leeeevi_ ,” Eren pouted, and Levi looked away in a desperate attempt to resist. “Ellies are your favorite. You can’t deny the ellies.”

_Curse you, mother. Why’d you have to tell Eren what I called them when I was a child? I’ll never forgive you for this. Curse you._

“Eren, no. Put it back.” Levi attempted to sound more stern, but one glance at those sad green eyes and he had signed away his life. “Put it back…”

“Fine!” Eren shouted in exasperation, but Levi knew he wasn’t done yet. “But you have to at least try it on first.”

“That’s a terrible deal, Eren. We both know I’m going to buy it if I put it on.”

“I’ll suck your dick.”

“Eren! Why does everything always come back to dick sucking?!”

An old woman going by on one of the motorized shopping carts gasped in horror, looking at Eren and Levi in absolute disgust. Eren was unfazed however, rolling his eyes dramatically as his head lulled in her direction, the bear ears on top wobbling at the movement. “Like you’ve never done it to get what you want before, you old bat.”

It was Levi’s turn to gasp, and he swatted Eren hard on the chest. “Shut it, brat.” he snapped, and turned back to the woman to apologize, but she was already long gone. “Tch. Maybe she was an old bat.”

Eren giggled, thrusting the elephant onesie into Levi’s arms. “You touched it, now you have to wear it.”

Levi sighed in defeat, knowing that he’d do anything to get out of this God-forsaken store at this point. “Fine. You win, brat.”

Eren rewarded Levi’s failure with a long, sloppy kiss, giggling excitedly against his lips. “Thank you, baby. You get all the dick sucks.”

“You’re damn right I do.” Levi huffed, but couldn’t contain his own smile. “You’re damn right.”


	3. Drunk Eren is Very Religious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Eren thinks they're going to Hell and Sober Levi thinks they're already there.
> 
> For @ageha_sakura's birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SANYA!! ALL THE LOVE AND JOY TO YOU ON THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY!! <3

“Oh my God! Levi!”

Eren’s scream came from the living room as if he were being murdered by a wild axman, causing Levi to drop his cup of tea into the sink without a second thought to rush to his aid. He grabbed the meat cleaver from their fancy knife block, running into the nonexistent fray with wide eyes. But there was no murderer. Eren was completely fine.

In fact, the idiot was smiling at the TV as if he had just won the jackpot.

“Eren! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Levi snapped angrily, but he knew exactly what was wrong. He knew this was going to happen, he could have prevented it, but Eren was so cute when he pouted. One more drink didn’t sound so bad at the time. Just _one more._

Eren shushed him, pressing his sweaty hands to the TV screen with awe-filled eyes. Levi could have warned him that he would go blind like that, (the brat already needed glasses), but he would only get shushed again. He also could have yelled at him for dirtying the screen, but then Eren would pout and, even though he shouldn’t, Levi would feel guilty and apologize like the whipped boyfriend he is.

Levi stood rather impatiently, his hands on his hips as he watched the love of his life pour over whatever silly infomercial was unfortunately on. Eren’s head finally snapped over to face him, teal eyes glazed over and shining even brighter than they normally did. Levi had a love/hate relationship with this look. It was breathtakingly adorable, setting off butterflies in the pit of his stomach, but it also meant that Eren _wanted_ something.

“Baby, we need twenty of them!” Eren slurred excitedly, glancing between his Levi and the TV.

For the first time since he came into the living room, Levi actually looked at the television to see what was going on. When he finally realized what the infomercial was trying to sell them, he snorted so hard it almost hurt. “Eren, no. It’s ridiculous. Come get some water and let’s get you to bed.”

Levi knew it wouldn’t be that easy. He could see it in how Eren’s bottom lip stuck out with sad eyes and furrowed brows. “But, baby, we _need_ it.” he argued, stumbling over to curl his fingers through Levi’s hair.

“No, we don’t.” Levi said firmly, doing his best to stand his ground even though he could already feel himself caving beneath those eyes. “You’re drunk. You need water and rest. It’s getting late.”

But Eren rolled his eyes and cocked out a hip, looking a little to wobbly on his feet to be sassy. “Just because it’s past your bedtime, doesn’t mean it’s past mine, _old man_ .” he grumbled, but he giggled cutely when Levi’s jaw tensed. “I’m _kidding_ , baby.”

Levi huffed in exasperation, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Eren, you can pout all you want, but I’m putting my foot down. We are _not_ getting _The Wonder Bible._ ”

It was silent for a long time, but when Levi finally opened his eyes again, he wished he would’ve kept them closed.

Tears were streaming down Eren’s flushed cheeks, something that hadn’t really happened before when he got drunk, and his breath hitched with a low sob. “Oh my God… Levi… We’re going to Hell…”

Levi choked on his own spit as he suddenly burst out into a fit of laughter. He would have felt bad for laughing at Eren while he was crying, had the reason for his tears not been so utterly ridiculous. “Eren-- We-- You--” He couldn’t finish one sentence he tried to start, doubling over as the long-forgotten meat cleaver clattered on the ground, making Eren sob even more.

“We _need_ Jesus!” Eren cried out heartbrokenly, and Levi had to force himself to stop laughing. “How can you laugh about this?!”

 _We_ **_need_ ** _to get you enrolled in an AA program..._

“Because you’re just being silly.” Levi retorted, smiling softly as he tugged Eren into his loving arms. “I’m _so_ sorry, my darling. Why don’t we go lay down and we’ll buy one first thing in the morning, okay?”

Eren leaned in to nuzzle his face in the crook of Levi’s neck, humming in agreement before Levi picked him up and brought him into their bedroom. “Don’t forget about our _Wonder Bible_ …” he said tiredly as Levi laid him down and tucked him in. “I don’t wanna go to Hell…”

“I won’t, I promise.” he chuckled, carding slender fingers through Eren’s long hair. He leaned down to kiss the top of his lover’s head, then left him to grab some water and clean up the mess of tea from earlier.

But Levi had no intention of buying Eren _The Wonder Bible._ Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever.


	4. Drunk Eren is (Going to Get) so Fucking Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Eren is an impatient little shit and Sober Levi is a teacher of virtue. Also, Armin should probably start running.

Eren was so fucking lucky. He had to be, otherwise he would be dead right now.

Levi could feel himself snapping, a thread fraying to signal that he was about to lose the last of his composure. His hands were curled into tight fists on his pillow, his eyes boring holes into the glowing blue numbers of his alarm clock. The piece of shit was mocking him, blinking and blinding, the light seering his eyes and burning into his brain.

_ 3:17 am. _

What an ungodly hour to be awake.

And it was all  _ his _ fault.

Levi jolted yet again when Eren’s hands squeezed his bare ass, turning around slowly so that his glare could bore into his handsy lover’s dopey grin. “Eren. What. The. Fuck.” he growled through grit teeth, each word punctuated with bite and the wrath that was to be released in a few short seconds.

“Good morning, baby!” Eren slurred through his beaming smile, his bright green eyes glistening like gems in the dim moonlight. However, his eyebrows scrunched and his lips puckered in an adorable pout when he realized Levi wasn’t happy. “Why do you have the angry eyes? You know I’m scared of your angry eyes. And your angry voice.”

Levi sighed heavily in exasperation and tried to keep his face neutral, but his lips were still pulled into a taut frown. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Eren looked deep in thought for a long moment, so long that Levi thought he must’ve fallen asleep with his eyes open. But, of course, he didn’t. Eren perked up again, never ceasing in his playful kneading of Levi’s butt. “It’s, like, evening time. Why are you going to sleep so early? I’m horny, wake up.”

Levi couldn’t believe what he was hearing, except that he could.

He knew it had been a bad idea to let Eren go to Reiner and Bertolt’s engagement party alone. Hell, he knew it had been a bad idea to let him go at all. Of course he wanted Eren to be there to celebrate his friends, but Reiner’s parties always got a bit...out of hand. Levi couldn’t go because he had the early shift at work the next morning, but Armin-- _ fucking Armin _ \--had  _ swore _ that he wouldn’t let Eren get too trashed. 

Armin was a dearly trusted friend to the couple for years, so Levi believed him. If Armin said that Eren would only be allowed to have two drinks and that’s  _ it _ , just enough to make him tipsy and tired, then that’s what would happen.

But just look what the cat dragged in.

Eren was so drunk that Levi could practically  _ taste  _ all the rum he had had when the younger of the two so much as breathed. He was wobbly and loopy and  _ way _ too cute and too obnoxiously flirty to deal with right now. And what was that all over his shirt that looked so sticky? Disgusting. It had better have been some kind of gross jello shot and not his,  _ or anyone else’s _ , vomit.

_Wait just a fucking second,_ Levi thought angrily to himself. _Is that my shirt?_ _Is that_ my _fucking shirt?!_

Levi sighed again and shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut in the desperation for this be be some silly dream. “It’s after three in the morning, Eren. You need to go to sleep.”

Eren groaned in frustration, rolling on his back with his limbs splayed out in exasperation. Eren was far too overdramatic for his own good sometimes. “So I don’t get any dick  _ at all? _ ” 

Gritting his teeth, Levi made the decision that he was going to do two things in the morning. First, he was going to call in sick at work. They would just have to manage without him. Two, he was going to find and kill Armin for putting him in this position in the first place. Eren would have to forgive him later.

“Come here, darling.” Levi purred seductively, having pushed down his anger in order to seduce his whiny boyfriend.

But Eren didn’t need much seducing, he never did. Lips were on lips instantly, teeth clashing and tongues licking their ways into the other’s mouth. The kiss was definitely sloppy, full of heat and lust, the taste of spiced rum on Eren’s lips being more of a turn on than Levi would care to admit. It was a little disgusting, but Levi felt himself melting back into the mattress as Eren clumsily straddled his hips.

Levi broke the kiss to roughly roll them over, pressing Eren’s back against the bed as he nipped and sucked purple hickeys into the beautifully tanned skin of his long-time lover. “You want me to fuck you, Eren?”

“Yes!” Eren moaned wantonly, rutting his hips up against Levi’s to find as much friction as he could. “Yes, Levi! Please! Please fuck me, baby!”

Levi didn’t even need to strip down, seeing that he slept naked most of the time anyway, but he took his sweet time in undressing Eren, reveling in his impatience and frustration. “Patience gets rewarded. Don’t you want a reward, darling?”

Eren keened at the feeling of Levi’s hands running over his slightly sweaty skin, his cheeks flushing a pretty pink. “Patience can fuck off. Fuck me  _ now _ , Levi.” he demanded hotly, giving Levi that irresistible pout that sent him spiralling to do whatever Eren wanted.

But it was just as Levi said. Patience gets rewarded, and Eren would need to learn a lesson or two in exercising this virtue.


	5. Drunk Eren Is Not a Fan of Scarecrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Eren gets tricked, Sober Levi enjoys his treat.
> 
> For ReluctantHero's birthday! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Jess!! I hope your today is just as amazing and beautiful as you are! Thank you for being my friend, you're truly a gift to us all! <3 :)

Levi sighed to himself as yet another child shoved passed him with their grubby hands and candy-hungry eyes, feeling well out of his element around so many people. But Eren--after a few too many beers, of course--had demanded they get out of the house to go trick or treating.

Yes, Levi Ackerman and his man-child boyfriend are walking around the neighborhood with jack-o-lantern buckets, going door to door to beg for candy.

“Levi! That house! It’s big and bougie as fuck! They’ll have the good stuff!” Eren cried out happily, stumbling towards the large home on his wobbly legs.

“Eren, do you even know what bougie means?” Levi asked with a roll of his eyes, pulling his drunk boyfriend back toward him when his steps began to speed up and falter. “Slow down. We get there when we get there. They’ll still have plenty of candy for you if you take your time.”

Eren completely ignored Levi’s question and groaned loudly in disdain when he was forced to walk slower. “Levi. I know you don’t get it because you’re getting old and your mind is frail,” he slurred sassily, tugging against the older man’s hold. “But if we go old man speed, the youngins will get all the candy! We can’t live like that!”

“I might let you trip over those clumsy giraffe legs for that, you ass,” Levi grumbled, his face growing dark at the thought of his increasing age. “And  _ what _ can’t we live like?”

“Candyless!” Eren crowed in absolute horror, as if going one day without candy would surely destroy their lives. “We can’t have a candyless life! Think of our children!”

“Eren,” Levi sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “We don’t have any kids.”

Eren gasped and pressed a finger to Levi’s lips, shushing him and whispering louder than was necessary, “Don’t ruin the plan.”

Sigh number one hundred and one and Levi was silently praying for this Halloween night to be over. “Right. The plan. I got it.” Levi managed a smile when Eren giggled and kissed his cheek, his annoyance ebbing just slightly. “But this is the last house, Eren. It's getting crowded and I’m beginning to get anxious. Please?”

Despite his drunkenness, Eren’s face softened, his bright teal eyes twinkling like the stars visible through the silver glowing clouds above them. It was such a beautiful night, such a beautiful look on the younger’s face. His brown hair was messy and windswept from the autumn breeze, but Levi couldn’t bring himself to fix it. They stopped just at the walkway leading to their targetted house, Eren’s hand moving to caress his boyfriend’s face.

“Everything’s okay,” he whispered softly, his tone carrying more weight than Levi expected in his current state. It sent a pang through his chest, a shiver down his spine. “This is the last house, Levi. I promise. After this, we can go home and eat as much candy as we want! Then we can fuck and I can suck your dick!”

Eren giggled, but Levi’s face lit up crimson in embarrassment when a little girl and her mother walked by and heard what Eren had said.

“Mommy, what does fuck mean? And what’s a dick? Why does that boy want to suck it?”

The mother didn’t say a word, only scooped her child up and sped away from the couple. Levi could hear her muttering, thought she said something along the lines of  _ don’t repeat what those freaks said _ , but didn’t let himself think about it too much. He only wished the mother luck and turned back to Eren when he started to laugh.

“Oooooops! Sorry, lovey dovey,” he said between his giggles, but he didn’t look guilty enough for it to be a genuine apology.

Levi couldn’t help a soft chuckle, wrapping an arm around Eren’s waist to lead him up to the house. It was hardly decorated, just a few jack-o-lanterns and a scarecrow sitting in one of the rocking chairs with a sign around his neck and a bowl of candy in his lap.

_ Take as much as you like, but beware. _

Levi  _ knew _ what that meant. He knew what was going to happen when Eren reached over to grab a handful of candy. He  _ knew  _ it was a real person and not just some crappy prop. And because he was a good boyfriend, he was about to warn the drunk and ditzy love of his life.

But everything happened so fast.

Before Levi could even get a single word out, Eren had grabbed the entire bowl and tried to take it from the scarecrow. The man in costume jumped up from the chair with a bellow, snatching his candy bowl back. Eren’s face was priceless, his own scream high-pitched as he swung his candy bucket at the man’s head. Levi couldn’t help himself as he burst into uncontrollable laughter when the bucket hit the man square in the jaw with a hilariously loud  _ thud _ , knocking him back into his chair that then proceeded to flip over as candy flew everywhere.

“ _ Fuck you, man! Scarecrows are bitch! _ ” Eren shouted before grabbing Levi’s hand and running back in the direction of their home.

Levi was still laughing when they finally made it back inside the apartment, doubling over and clutching his stomach as it began to cramp. Once the initial shock had worn off, Eren had started laughing as well, until he noticed something.

“Levi,” Eren said with sudden seriousness, his lips beginning to pucker into a pout. “Where is our candy?”

Levi wiped at his teary eyes as he finally started to calm from his laughter, holding up his trick-or-treat bucket. “ _ My _ candy is right here.  _ Your _ candy is scattered all over the scarecrow’s porch. You wanna go get it back?”

Eren didn’t hesitate, didn’t take one second to think about it before shaking his head. “No, I have something much better in mind.” Teal eyes shone with smugness as he licked his lips, his gaze raking over Levi’s body hungrily. “Can I have a treat, lovey?”

Levi’s smirked with a soft chuckle before he dropped all of his candy on the floor and pulled Eren down for a heated kiss. Eren moaned when his love licked his way into his mouth, his hands moving to grab and squeeze Levi’s ass. When they broke apart, Levi kept his lips a mere inch away from Eren’s, already panting as he tugged Eren toward their bedroom.

“Maybe so, my darling,” he purred with glinting silver eyes, mischievous and half hard at the thoughts running through his mind. “Good boys always get a treat.”


End file.
